I remember the first time I cried at school. It was third grade and I was being accused by my favourite teacher of stealing my own money. I will never forget that day, because it was also the day that lying, assholes, and people congregated into the same sentence. Our class was in the process of learning hand writing and so as the tears poured out of alarmingly large eyes I went home to transcribe a loopy, cursive, A-S-S-H-O-L-E titled diary entry. Fast forward twenty years and not much has changed on the tear front; my chin quivers, my round face gets rounder and my eyes still stay glassy for over an hour. I cry at unexpected moments, like seeing old people with black eyes, and I cry twice as hard at expected moments like watching sad movies or reading gut-wrenching books like this one. I don’t know whether I’m depressed or just perpetually angry from being in a world filled with so many assholes. It doesn’t help that I choose to work in the restaurant industry where fully grown adults go red in the face and choke on their white toast if their eggs aren’t done just right. But on the sunny side I’m getting pretty close to third-dimension-time-travel while working. I’m here, but i am not really here and maybe I am over there. This could also be called meditation, but who the fuck knows.
I used to apologize for crying. Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to soak through your t-shirt with my tears or I’m so sorry i cried into your coffee, I’ll get you a new one. But why do we apologize for letting our emotions affect us? I wish more people cried in public because it’s actually so beautiful to see someone being so vulnerable in a world filled with filters. The lesson here is that you can not hide from assholes, and don’t even think about switching jobs, because you know who will be waiting there for you? New assholes with higher seniority. Having said all of this, I am still searching for more wisdom in dealing with all the assholes, like this piece of advice I gratefully received – maybe assholes are really just squirrels wearing human costumes and the best way to deal with them is to shove some nuts in their mouth.
painting by Eduardo Mata Icaza
More of his work here.